Just some miscellaneous crap we are peddling!

Just for old people
and their parents!

We can't golf...
let's have a stupid contest!

Here is your chance!
Come up with a funny
Fortune Cookie saying.
Put your entries on our

interwebs social page
just reply to this email
and we will post it for you.

(you know who you are)

If you click on the button,
it will take you there

* * * * *

Check out Scooter's
'FootGolf in the snow'

on our FootGolf website

Click here

fine print:
We have no idea what (if anything) we will give to the winner of our
fortune cookie game.
Probably nothing or some crap from a storage bin we are cleaning out.
One man's trash...is still a bunch of trash, usually.
The pavilion renovation is coming along pretty nicely and should be open soon.

If you are going to Mesquite, don't forget about our gathering
this Friday (March 6) at 6pm.
We will hand out some tee time rosters and news about the party in Nevada.
The Nevada party will be after the Canyons' round (Friday, March 27th) at 7:30pm
DId we mention we are picking up the tab for food & beers?
We will also have a games/rules sheet handout for Nevada golf
at this Friday's hootenanny.
See ya on the links! Hopefully!

Golf this week in Colorado is gonna look a little different

We are gonna be snow covered
for a while

Don't forget to check our
scrolling news feature on our homepage


for course conditions

(we update it frequently throughout snow days)

Even if we ain't open...
we will let you know who is

* * * * *
and that makes 'cute blonde girl' mad


the deal ends when SOLDOUT
or no later than Sunday at 4pm


fine print:
we really will let you know who is open around Colorado
when things get more Spring-like.
If you are reading this and you work at another course
(we know you spy on us! and NO we are not paranoid)
give us a buzz and we will let callers know you are open.
If anyone is aware of an opening that we aren't aware of, give us a jingle.
HEY, we are golfers too!
The 3 course offering will, in all likelihood, sell out
before the 4pm Sunday time.
The number of passes is limited
and sales have exceeded even our PollyAnna expectations.
See ya on the links!

3 Course Deal, Mesquite Pairings, Men's Club Crappola

3 Course Deal
goes on sale this Friday
at 9am

* * * * * 

* * * * *
Men's League Thursdays

Pre-season warm up has begun
(weather permitting)

Official season kicks off
April 2nd

Buy your Thursday League Pass
and save about 30%
on your green fees and cart
(24 weeks)

Walking Pass

Cart & Green Fee Pass

The Thursday Mens' League
is a 9-hole league
(Weekend 18 hole tourneys, too)
that allows you to play
'when you want'
not just a block of tee times
that don't fit your schedule!

If you want to play at 6am,
that is ok.
If you want to play at 6pm,
that is ok, too.
Any time in between is also ok.
All you need to do is
play with another 'Leaguer'
to attest scores

Oh sure, there are a couple of monkeys,
but they know who they are!

For more info:
* * * * *
fine print:
The 3 course offer will probably sell out before 4pm on Sunday.
Do not wait, or you might get shut out.
The link to purchase goes LIVE at 9am Friday.
Check your emails and the website over the coming weeks
for particulars on the games that will be offered.
ROBO will be at the Palms for the first group.
If you want in the skins games for Thursday and Friday,
you will need to give ROBO $40 cash.
No checks... No credit cards....cash!!!
This $40 will get you in both days of NET skins.
There will be no gross skins game.
Maximum handicap will be 36.
It is a voluntary game.
If your tee time needs to be changed,
feel free to contact someone on the list to swap.
ROBO will not do it for you.
He tried to give everybody an early, a mid, and a late tee time for the 3 days.
Remember: your comp green fee and cart at Saddleback expire March 24th.
See ya on the links!

50 Shades of Gray, Wolf Creek Whuh, 3 Play

Wolf Creek

Because we have such a large group going in March,
the tee times offered at Wolf Creek were
pretty lack-luster and we couldn't get
a big enough of a block of times all together.

We will not be arranging  the impromptu game
for that Wednesday

(If we did someone would be mad at us.)

There are tee times available early that day
and in the afternoon.
The afternoon tee times are $120, at 2pm.
Wolf Creek plans for a 5 hour round
and their sunset is at about 7pm.
If you would like to book a tee time,
please contact Wolf Creek, directly.

(866) 252.4653 toll free

* * * * *
3 Course Offering 2015

* * * * *
Old Turd Tuesdays 2015

* * * * *
Quick Story

The Suits at Saddleback are so cheap!!!

The other day I needed some cash....

"I need $50"

The Suit:
"$40... what do you need $30 for?"

Fine Print:
The tee times at Wolf Creek would have been great for half of our group and
the other half would want to kill ROBO.
ROBO got scared at the thought of an angry mob.
Now, if you don't get a good tee time, it is your fault.
The 3 course pass will be $109 so stop whining!
Old Turd Tuesday announcements always make somebody angry.
If you are offended, you are probably not our customer.
There are planty of stuffy places  you can visit where they only pretend to like you.
We really do like our customers, except that one old crotchety rascal
that we just can't scare off. He has such thick skin, even we can't offend him.
See ya on the links!



We won't be at the Golf Expo this year

Don't worry...
we still have a great deal for you!

* * * * *

Pre-Season Warmup

* * * * *
Just 4 PHUN

* * * * *
The 3 play cards will sell for $109
Yeah, that's $10 more than last year because we have
new addictions that are costing us more.
Also, the bonus round will be $33
which is $3 higher than last year, for the same reason.
The bonus round may not be used on the same day
as the round that is included with the 3 play card.
The unlimited golf pass (through March 31st) may be changed to a walking pass
for only $250.
The weather is cooperating nicely and this is one whale of a deal.
No cartoon dogs were harmed or really threatened in this stupid email blast
See ya on the links!

Wow this guy is wordy. I thought he'd never shut up!

* * * * *

Like a small package?
We got it!

Unlimited green fees
(until April Fools' Day)

add cart

* * * * *

Mesquite update...
We have 54 golfers going to Mesquite


Full payments are due by
(if you only paid the deposit)

Don't forget the pow-wow
 March 6  (6pm)
in the proshop

we would have it in the pavilion,
but it is being partially demo'd
in anticipation of the building of
our new clubhouse.

Shhh, don't tell anyone!

* * * * *

Range Ball sponsorship

We will have ProV1 range balls

for the 2015 season

* * * * *

If yes...
we have the tournament for you
If no...
you need to re-evaluate your life
We will be hosting breweries
from all over Colorado
Some breweries,
you may be familiar with...
others, may be new found gems. 
The second best part
of this tournament is pricing!
Register/Pay by May 1st:
Individual $79
4-some $300
18 hole round w/cart
Beer samples at holes
A magic show*

Beer Tourney Fine Print:
We are not using this money to raise awareness for
feline obesity, or to help depressed dolphins off the coast of Australia.
We just really like beer, paying our bills, and golf; like, a lot.
This tourney is not meant to get you white-girl-wasted.
Think of it like a wine tasting, but with less politics and more mulligans.
Format of the tourney is TBD?
We don’t really care how you play, just have fun!
*There isn't really a magic show (insert sad face emoticon)
Call the shop to register
* * * * *

To get your coupon!


Remember you can
get the coupon
From our homepage
When your bday
rolls around

* * * * *

Cocktail Contest Winners

We had a taste test winner, too,
but we can't remember who it was

Mike Gallegos, Zachary Torgerson,
Nick Gibson, Nocole Sheckells,
Joey Martin, Marilyn Carmen,
Brad Lanning, Steven Vialpando

Thanks, you have won a comp round
(with cart)
The round expires March 31st

Not again
See ya on the links!

Good News Bad News

Good News
We currently have 44 golfers
(and counting)
going to Mesquite
in March

Bad News 
We didn't have that much room

Good News
Mesquite gave us 6 more rooms,
 a couple more tee times,
and an additional 10 days
for full payment

If you want to go...
you had better call the shop TODAY!

$99 will hold your spot

$480, per person
($580 after January 20th)

Full payment due on/before February 1

If you are going to Mesquite,
we will have a little gathering
in the proshop
Friday March 6 (6pm)
We will have info on pairings,
tee times, games, and that sorta crap

* * * * *

The shop guys want to get ProV1 range balls

Management doesn't want to pay for it

Managment ain't the boss of us

If we can raise $6,000 in range ball sponsorship,
management will upgrade their
2015 range ball order from NXTs to ProV1s.

Here is where you can make that happen

We will offer advertising for your company

$6,000 will get your logo
and a brief message on 10,000 range balls.
Remember: it's just a tiny golf ball!

Plus, we can sweeten the deal with some golf

This may seem like a strange place for an ad,
but nobody has ProV1 range balls...


If you would like to sponsor the entire program,
1/2, or even 1/4 of this program,
give ROBO or SCOOTER a call.
We only have a couple of weeks to nail this down
before we place our range ball order for the year

If you are looking for a truly unique way
to advertise your company....here it is.

Also, we send out these ridiculous emails
every weekend.
We will give you a spot in a couple of these
(or you can pay us not to)

18,000 email subscribers
25-40% open rate
If you don't have a business
and would like to see your face
(or your ex-wife)
on 10,000 range balls, let's talk!


* * * * *

Cocktail Contest

Final Week 

Thanks to:
Zach, Nick, Nicole, Joey, Marilyn,
Brad, and Steven for their entries

enter your recipe for
the saddleback exclusive
'Tears of Golfers' cocktail.

Put your recipe
on our facebook page
(or however you can...robo will post it)

The value of the final prize
will equal
(number of entries) X ($10)

Winner(s) will be named next week

fine print:
$99 deposit is non-refundable
Payment towards trip is non-refundable effective January 31st.
ROBO will be calling SLACKERS on Tuesday Feb 1st, if you are not paid in full.
If ROBO has to call you, you will be assigned a room next to the dumpster,
you will have to play the back tees, he will stick his thumb in your food,
and he will add a 2 stroke penalty on your score card.
We have to be paid in full...not because we are jerks
(well... we sort of are),
but we have to send the money to the Nevada Boys
and the Nevada Boys don't take kindly to refunding it once they got it.
If you need more info on the trip CLICK HERE
If you don't need any more info CLICK HERE
(it doesn't do anything)
Add $130 if you want to room alone
See ya on the links!